Stralaishis: Cardio & the Summer

We're not, as they say, out of the woods quite yet.

Indeed, if anything, we are merely a 1/3 of the way through.

BT has turned our head, and indeed, put a fire under our feet. I'm drawing up enough courage to face our childhood demons. The Saltracious body; the stralaishis action. Hurly-burley, mumbo jumbo, arms & legs, knees & elbows. knots, tangles, hodge podge.

(NOTE: 1 from list 1 & A from list 2 will roughly c)

July

1. Run long easy distance; get comfortable with a lot of distance.
2. Add Tempo runs

August
3. Add Speed work

July & August
A. kicks & passing
A. juggling
A. dribbling

September
B. basic receiving
C. in-air traps
D. volleys

*would also like to eat more & quit smoking.

Spinning Wheels

special
joyful, loveful, exuberant, warm
surprising ----healing
crisp, crunchy --- bright ---- chilly, fresh, brisk, vigorous, invigorating
sun, wind & water
apples, fabric, myth, fleet, feather
_____________________

hard, dirty, tedious, intricate, laborious, frustrating
real, nuts&bolts, hand-in-earth
delicate
unpredictable, volatile
_______________________

shame, guilt, evil, naivete, gullibility, morbid darkness, death, misfortune, curses

Spring & Magic

*Resolutions of a Four Hour Long Walk from East Village to Chinatown, and round and round Tompkins Square Park

The magic & the desperation has turned this year. For a short moment, it looked like it was going to be the same -- spinning wheels, needing beauty, needing acquisition, needing grace, needing friends-laughter-community-goodweather-brunch-goodbooks, brunches-picnics-lavender-NewYorkTimes-wine-RealSimple-lighting-&-temperature,baguettes-in-bicycle-baskets. Desperation, needing L., needing J. at E's, needing parties, dancing, recitals, cake, floral dresses from Eileen Fisher.

Serious and difficult things things await, and no need for magic to disappear. Like the headmistress assures Lyra at the end of His Dark Materials, We can re-gain with learning what we had gotten (and lost) with grace. The magic doesn't need to feel fresh, invigorated, like springtime. We need story, but we don't have to get addicted to thought.

Where does my energy go? Tired or energetic, it feels hard because, like Anna Karenina - in direct counterpoint to Konstantin Levin - our life force has no where directed to go. If we were to do the same thing for years and year, however tiredly or halfhearted, wouldn't we get somewhere?

I. Set your intention - practice both Concentration & Insight.
Pick it before a Practice even - will today be walking, standing or sitting? Insight, Concentration, or Metta? breath or body or pulse? the hammering practice of Sayadaw Mahasi doesn't serve the turbuelent vicissitudes of lay life -- better to have Gekko practice than no practice at all, for fear of doing it "wrong." Gekko practice is still practice. If these all go hand-in-hand, why compartmentalize?

II. Do the same thing everyday.
In the AM, if possible, so it's done before everything else. Cardio and Practice, Cardio and Practice. How much harder could it be? If the world ends, if people you love die, if you contract a terrible disease, if you lose your job. Cardio and Practice will be all you need, and all you have to have to keep the wheels turning.

III. Pick something to put your acquisitional, egotistical energy into, and practice it.
Something where you can be greedy, impatient, self-validating. Maybe bodywork, maybe medical learning. But pick it quickly and stick to i.

IV. Make spells.
Having more control isn't resisting your experience of difficulty. It's being aware and directing your energy to turning the tide, if only for a little bit. Akin to "Ennervate!," but to come back to your breath, be in the present moment, get out of your thoughts, relax your body, relax your mind.

V. Respect and Cooperate with your energy
Not just high or low, but coiled, stuck, heavy, closed, open, exhilarated, light, intense, honed. Work with what you have instead of wishign it was something else. Need to sleep? Sleep! Need a four hour long walk? Go! Somehow, it'll work out, and it'll be a lot easier than resisting the flow (and the nature) of your mind or your body on 24/7.

Surviving Summer

Must Do
*Practice
*Live in the gym
*Read to get ready to be interesting

Must See
List A) Greg, Kevin, Jessica, Jillie, Molly, Marsha, Chris, Sandra
List B) Amanda, Susan,

Want to
*Visit boston
*Salsa
*kayak

Spring
*more hiking

Sensoral Meandering

My dream vacation includes the following things: (for summer):
A. long-grass, live classical music, tea in jars with sprigs of lavendar, mint or rosemary, sun-bathed yellow wallpaper, 19th century portraits in oval mahogany frames, bicycles with baskets in front filled with baguettes, duck, jam, pate, olives, cheese; poetry readings, high school literary magazines, gallery receptions by painters we know & love, natural tree-crowded parks with lakes and ducks, talk of: magick, astronomy, healing, observatories, literature, math, space; hiking, college performing arts, languages.

B. space centers, gardens, arboriums, air-conditioned museums, aquariums, lectures, making art, making paintings, writing fiction, meditation, yoga centers, being a gym rat, Self magazine, spiing classes, swimming pools, working into the night, drinking under stars, fountains, reading

C. salsa, south street seaport, As-Am youth culture, cars with red interiors and wholesome Americana, lefty festivals, lonely planet guides, pho, putting on plays,ugly cheap curtains, flowers out of bath tubs, weddings, some drama, some lite scandal, some lite crying, lite gossip, sandals, floral dresses, sandals

My dream moment right now:
big comfy bed with light but very voluminous comforter of silkyish material, satin pillows, tucked into a corner nook of sun-splashed walls with odd attic-like stickings-out, with at least two cats and a dog, something like Phillip Pullman, the smell of Eagle Brand Medicated green oil, chao' with chicken. A low fever. The heater running.

Where we'd rather be than here: New England, upstate i.e. Bear Mountain, Hudson River, Long Island, Pennsylvania, India, Myanmar, Viet Nam.

Sanna & Pappanca

Spontaneous Occurrences
* A persyn cannot be a house divided. Life and Intentions cannot go against each other. Otherwise, it becomes a constant struggle, as well as a waste of perfectly good energy & time to keep them together. Pulling back two oxen pulling into opposite directions.

*There are only two necessary things to do. Support Her and Practice. A sub-objective is not necessarily good. Staying at OH, going to Bikram, getting enough sleep, seeing a lot of friends and getting community, going to the gym, making art, taking a lot of hikes, learning how to cook, going to Temple often.

*K said, of my being mean to everyone yesterday, "You can be extra-nice today to make up for it." I said, "Extra nice." To which he, like clockwork, responded, "Extra nice."

Wildly untrue - but it's a dear thought, and gives me hope.

I'm learning so much in Bikram.
*Stay in the present moment. Direct your intentions and body only to the posture you're in.

*The posture is over. Let it go.

*You're not in that posture yet. Keep your intentions & actions on this one.

*Learn to work with ease even inside of suffering and effort. I had such a moment of perfect calmness at the lowest point of standing bow in Bernadette's class. It hurt and hurt and hurt and I just kept concentrating on how to stay supple, ease those spots of pain, maintain a sustained effort while easing into those hurtful spots, and before you know it, my foot was over my head and I was breathing calmly and my eyes were quiet and still in the mirror -- such a space. I felt I had dipped down and hidden my head and heart into a box beneath my torso, and my leg was thrown up and back, but it was quiet and no one could see me. Space apart from your suffering. Jon Stewart says that if we're doing our asanas right, our hearts are racing in standing stick. Mine isn't. Partially because when I'm doing standing bow well, I think, I'm not struggling, I'm adjusting & adjusting.

*Sa~n~na: Peter's talk was about perception. Important workup follows.
~Perceptions that are seemingly powerful - or perceptions about our selves & our Practice, come from the same place as trivial ones....and float up. Chinese or pizza? Who's nominated for an Oscar again? I'm a terrible meditator. Which one is Sasha Cohen? I wish I had a cute faux-croc tote. It's too hot/cold/loud/stuffy/drafty to meditate. What's my hair doing? I'm too hungry/tired/sleepy/wired-up/exasperated/busy to meditation. The problem is the clinging.

~There are two types of thoughts. Thoughts that incur a bodily reaction, and thoughts that do not. The ones I associate with emotions, or the ones I cling to, or cause me unnecessary suffering, are the ones that incur a bodily reaction. Anger: head, chest, throat. Sadness: throat, chest, stomach. Happiness: chest, nose. Envy: nose, chest, head. Lust: Chest, bowels. In truth, they are the same as the ones that do not cause a bodily reaction.
~The following are objects, or forms: sight, sound, smell, taste, sensation, thought.
Don't forget that thought is an object. A form. Forms go to feelings, which go to perceptions, which will go to pappanca if you let it. You are not angry because your chest is tight. Your chest is tight is separate. Though thoughts cause body sensation, body sensation is not necessarily present because of thoughts. On the Venn diagram of your mind and body, where does this moment fall? A sensation that's separate from thought? (Aching arches in standing bow; lactose intolerance) A thought that does not appear in the body? (This train is a downtown 2 or a 3) Or a thought that does appear in the body? (I'm going to Bikram! Wet pushing chest constriction. Why does my family have to call at this hour? Dry squeezing chest constriction. I wish there was spaghetti. Short dull breath, heavy weight in chest. I'll do housework tonight and be so productive. Surging cautious expansion in chest.) Most thoughts appear in the body. Really.

~
ADJUSTABLE PERCEPTION #1) MEDITATABILITY of a MOMENT
You have perceptions on what a "Meditable State" is. Warm, cozy, cocooned in your snuggly little fuzzy blanket, a pleasant heaviness in your chest, slightly heavy eyes, a strong razor-sharp vivid macro-vibrational movement in your breath or heartbeat. Slight sleltsiness. If the perception of these forms in the body is not present, then you think you are not in a Meditable State.

Sometimes you merely think it is a State more conducive to something else. To cleaning, to seeing people, cooking, making calls, doing E27, running down the drycleaning, but not meditating. Sometimes an hour or a day is not conducive to meditating just because of what it is. 7 PM on a Saturday night. 2 PM on a Sunday afternoon. These are times for doing chores or seeing people, but not for meditating. Why?

Other times, you think it's a State completely counterproductive for "Good" meditation. Tired, wired, sleepy, hungry, stiff. Why is it not Practice if it doesn't feel good? You don't have to Start off Tranquil to get to tranquility -- if that's even your goal. Though Peter and Bhante R both recommend getting to a place where you're still enough to tune into things better then you would, say, on the train. However, I'm getting not-bad at train meditation.
Bhante R also instructs us to keep constant vigilance during our intense practice and re-assess.

ADJUSTABLE PERCEPTION #2) GOOD PRACTICE
See above. Good Practice isn't the same as What Feels Good. In fact, the Buddha got enlightened on Practice that felt LOUSY.

I'm starting to suspect that the solution may not to try to do more, necessarily, but to learn to be in the present moment in a way without judging it or wishing it were something else. So that if a persyn is in a pleasurable moment of "dallying away" the evening with a friend, I think it's about learning to be with the friend without wishing you were at home doing taxes or reading. On the other hand, to also discipline yourself to do work and be with the pain of fatigue, boredom, or don't-feel-like-it-ness -- that is, resistance. Not to fight it or wish the experience were something else. Too picky - sometimes I might even be on a date with a great persyn at a great restaurant and having great conversation, and think something like, 'It'd be perfect, except the temperature could be ten degrees cooler.' Imagine how worse it is, then, when four or five requisites for a pleasurable experience are off, instead of just one!

It's raining today. A big fat torrential rain, to follow up on the harrowing blustery windyness that came splat at the coast a few days ago. Wash away my badnesses. Tomorrow is a new day. Tonight is a new evening. 1 PM is a new hour for a new kipsy mipsey.