~~ PRACTICE LOG ~~ | Last Up'd 11.29.05: 10:40 PM
Day One was a Monday. Week cycles from Mondays to Sundays.
WEEK ONE:
Days One thru Seven: Regular Retreat schedule at the Bhavana Monastery
WEEK TWO:
Days Eight thru 16: Practice not logged. Generally irregular and sporadic. Busy at nights, and trouble rising with discipline in the AM.
Days 13 & 14: Practiced a little at Godstow in Connecticut. Read some Dhamma, but mostly wasted time on TriCyle. Good Work MFNS sometimes.
WEEK THREE:
DAY 17:
AM: 10 m. : nice, doggy mindish, but not a struggle. light but vivid.
DAy 18:
AM: 30 m: very doggy mind. Sometimes stepped out to watched the chaos, mostly caught up in it. Tried to work on cultivating loving the sensuality of feeling in the present moment, but Harry Potter festivities were still aglow this morning.
PM: 20 m. Torpor like crazy. Very excruciating. Fell asleep on my meditation mat. Thought about fighting the torpor like doing duthanga. Gave up. Woke up at 4:30 AM. Thought it was a great chance to get back on monastery time, and also get in a fat chunk of Practice. Meditated for like a minute, and mind talked me into laying down in the bed for just ten minutes. Maybe twenty. Which meant, of course, that I slept all the way to 7:33 and felt like a dog whenever I touched consciousness during that time. Snuggled between the soft fuzzy covers and the silky, chilly pillowcase, thought to myself two things, 1. "Mmmmmm......goooooood," and 2. "Isn't this one oBut got in a tiny practice when I did get up, which takes us to....
DAY 19: 30 m.: Trying to not have guilt over weird Practice intervals since last night. Light and still doggy-mindish. Following in and out with more depth and frequency than last few days. Wrote my NaNoWriMo novel while sitting though. I feel confident about it! Vassarlike school, Siddhartha Gotama, winged peoples, archival libraries, young academic wimmin. Let's hit the keyboard!
DAY 21: 1 DAY: Loka Chantha
Just like Bhavana. Fought off torpor and doggy-mind. Things only really came together in the last hour, but we willfully and deliberatly chose to indulge in thoughts. Too bad for my practice, but came up with great ideas on decorating the apt for Thanksgiving. Walking Practice has colossally improved fr the 10/28 Retreat. Can do an entire hour without ridiculous doggy-mind. Really finding Walking and Standing to enhance practice.
WEEK FOUR:
DAY 22: PM: 1 HR
Doggy mind at the beginning. Lots of tension left over fr office; some of it related to dryness. Tense lungs. Anger about I. Got very hot towards the end; started stepping over into stillness. Alarm went off. Went into overtime. Nice, but faded out. It arises and falls. Not labeling so much today, or looking. Heartbeat and tense lungs so prominent, that not much effort required to see them. Very strong nicotine Jonesing symptoms. Rested first when I got home & ate. Listened to Rodzina. Poor Karen Cushman - I never give her a chance, and she impresses me every time. Lovely.
Had been discouraged b/c I forgot about Bh. R's suggestion re: 1-Minute Meditation. And had had a full day w/o Practicing. Though I tried to watch my mind a lot today, b/c pple at the office had been pissing me off. And very aware of lungs.
Day 23: AM: 30 m: Nice, lots of breathing & beating sensation. A nice waking up - had chaotic, emotional thoughts, and then saw - 'Hey, they're just thoughts." Lots of subtle breathing & chest tension &heartbeat sensations when I awake. Today, I wanted to have tea and do chores b/w waking & Practice, but it'd be nice to go straight through. Missed 2 duthangas - renouncing sweet, dark drinks & showing up to work on time. Being late makes me contemplate how i spend my evenings - from which the fall out is morning dawdling.
24
25
26
Days 27 & 28: Lancaster: Lots of Practice. Hot. Doggy-minded. Got in a lot of reading on Kornfield's LBM, esp. to re-clarify my grasp on Mahasi. Looking at Sunlun Sayadaw, too. I like how their sessions start - almost an incremental passing from gross to fine of vedanas - close to how Bh. R teaches. Mahasi might be able to fish me back from this persistent dogginess. Woof.
WEEK FIVE:
Day 29 & 30: No Sitting Practice. Post Thanksgiving & travel wind-down. Trying to implement word and seeing Practice - two major forms of practice neglected in formal institutions - except that Mahasi, for an intelligent and agile persyn who can extrapolate and apply to logical extreme, can carry through to all postures and actions. I am not this persyn. Which is why I have to establish piecemeal resolutions of Word Practice and Seeing Practice.
Woke up and the usual flurry of guilt, exhaustion, questioning what I should do, even speedthinking planning my evening to get over the guilt of not getting out of bed from fatigue - had a clear moment of "Hey, you can redeem this moment by Being in the Present Moment." Bh. R's words came back to me. "Neurotic push toward the future."
Day 34: AM: 30 M. PM: 1 HR.
Nice. That tense post-oily food, dry-winter indoor-heating systems feeling that used to make me smoke. Now makes for a nice vibratory, very interesting sitting. Enough discomfort to intrigue me. Quite interesting. Maybe another hour tonight, before we sleep.
WEEK ONE:
Days One thru Seven: Regular Retreat schedule at the Bhavana Monastery
WEEK TWO:
Days Eight thru 16: Practice not logged. Generally irregular and sporadic. Busy at nights, and trouble rising with discipline in the AM.
Days 13 & 14: Practiced a little at Godstow in Connecticut. Read some Dhamma, but mostly wasted time on TriCyle. Good Work MFNS sometimes.
WEEK THREE:
DAY 17:
AM: 10 m. : nice, doggy mindish, but not a struggle. light but vivid.
DAy 18:
AM: 30 m: very doggy mind. Sometimes stepped out to watched the chaos, mostly caught up in it. Tried to work on cultivating loving the sensuality of feeling in the present moment, but Harry Potter festivities were still aglow this morning.
PM: 20 m. Torpor like crazy. Very excruciating. Fell asleep on my meditation mat. Thought about fighting the torpor like doing duthanga. Gave up. Woke up at 4:30 AM. Thought it was a great chance to get back on monastery time, and also get in a fat chunk of Practice. Meditated for like a minute, and mind talked me into laying down in the bed for just ten minutes. Maybe twenty. Which meant, of course, that I slept all the way to 7:33 and felt like a dog whenever I touched consciousness during that time. Snuggled between the soft fuzzy covers and the silky, chilly pillowcase, thought to myself two things, 1. "Mmmmmm......goooooood," and 2. "Isn't this one oBut got in a tiny practice when I did get up, which takes us to....
DAY 19: 30 m.: Trying to not have guilt over weird Practice intervals since last night. Light and still doggy-mindish. Following in and out with more depth and frequency than last few days. Wrote my NaNoWriMo novel while sitting though. I feel confident about it! Vassarlike school, Siddhartha Gotama, winged peoples, archival libraries, young academic wimmin. Let's hit the keyboard!
DAY 21: 1 DAY: Loka Chantha
Just like Bhavana. Fought off torpor and doggy-mind. Things only really came together in the last hour, but we willfully and deliberatly chose to indulge in thoughts. Too bad for my practice, but came up with great ideas on decorating the apt for Thanksgiving. Walking Practice has colossally improved fr the 10/28 Retreat. Can do an entire hour without ridiculous doggy-mind. Really finding Walking and Standing to enhance practice.
WEEK FOUR:
DAY 22: PM: 1 HR
Doggy mind at the beginning. Lots of tension left over fr office; some of it related to dryness. Tense lungs. Anger about I. Got very hot towards the end; started stepping over into stillness. Alarm went off. Went into overtime. Nice, but faded out. It arises and falls. Not labeling so much today, or looking. Heartbeat and tense lungs so prominent, that not much effort required to see them. Very strong nicotine Jonesing symptoms. Rested first when I got home & ate. Listened to Rodzina. Poor Karen Cushman - I never give her a chance, and she impresses me every time. Lovely.
Had been discouraged b/c I forgot about Bh. R's suggestion re: 1-Minute Meditation. And had had a full day w/o Practicing. Though I tried to watch my mind a lot today, b/c pple at the office had been pissing me off. And very aware of lungs.
Day 23: AM: 30 m: Nice, lots of breathing & beating sensation. A nice waking up - had chaotic, emotional thoughts, and then saw - 'Hey, they're just thoughts." Lots of subtle breathing & chest tension &heartbeat sensations when I awake. Today, I wanted to have tea and do chores b/w waking & Practice, but it'd be nice to go straight through. Missed 2 duthangas - renouncing sweet, dark drinks & showing up to work on time. Being late makes me contemplate how i spend my evenings - from which the fall out is morning dawdling.
24
25
26
Days 27 & 28: Lancaster: Lots of Practice. Hot. Doggy-minded. Got in a lot of reading on Kornfield's LBM, esp. to re-clarify my grasp on Mahasi. Looking at Sunlun Sayadaw, too. I like how their sessions start - almost an incremental passing from gross to fine of vedanas - close to how Bh. R teaches. Mahasi might be able to fish me back from this persistent dogginess. Woof.
WEEK FIVE:
Day 29 & 30: No Sitting Practice. Post Thanksgiving & travel wind-down. Trying to implement word and seeing Practice - two major forms of practice neglected in formal institutions - except that Mahasi, for an intelligent and agile persyn who can extrapolate and apply to logical extreme, can carry through to all postures and actions. I am not this persyn. Which is why I have to establish piecemeal resolutions of Word Practice and Seeing Practice.
Woke up and the usual flurry of guilt, exhaustion, questioning what I should do, even speedthinking planning my evening to get over the guilt of not getting out of bed from fatigue - had a clear moment of "Hey, you can redeem this moment by Being in the Present Moment." Bh. R's words came back to me. "Neurotic push toward the future."
Day 34: AM: 30 M. PM: 1 HR.
Nice. That tense post-oily food, dry-winter indoor-heating systems feeling that used to make me smoke. Now makes for a nice vibratory, very interesting sitting. Enough discomfort to intrigue me. Quite interesting. Maybe another hour tonight, before we sleep.
posted by 26 at 10:15 AM
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