Day TWENTY
The old dryness is back - though not as bad, as I mentioned earlier, as last year, since A. hasn't turned the heat on full. Was very miserable and tense about good time management, juggling. But got out - begrudgingly, angrily, resentfully - to go to the fair at the private school for I's friend's daughter. Got a nice whiff of fresh air, knocked out several errands - looked at orchid prices for temple, got humidifer, & C's birthday gift (hardcover of Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell !!!), though, and lost resentment v. quickly. Felt good & productive, and ready to work hard to earn CC's party!
Remembered the old obsession about time management. Remembered the old obsession about time management.The time management complication is an old story that builds itself up and explodes with me. First, it starts with little plans. OK, we get a sleltsy urge to read more Merchant Ivory/Vintage Intl/ Brit canon...then it's like - well, we should spend some time reading Pali canon too, and if we're going to do that, we need to keep up on our Abhidhamma, and oh! didn't we have a resolution to memorize the Dhammapada in Pali - and oh! Tolkien, and world history! and economic philosophers and Asian American lesbian poets! Or we'll feel like we're not really doing autumn properly, and first it's just yoga and running, and then it turns into hiking, and ice skating, and doing community service, research on Ma' 's medical, and Burma travel, etc. Spinning our wheels. That's why I had to make the Day one resolution to live vertically. Getting deep, and staying on a straight line. I figure if we cut our options, and teach ourselves to not regret those options, or what we'd have become if we followed them, we'll become something we wanted anyway.
What we really learned was that we just need a long break in the middle of Saturdays, to keep them from turning into those drudge-a-thons we used to have. MFNS lets us see our thoughts as poppers, not really legitimate things that are necessarily telling us anything.
Remembered the old obsession about time management. Remembered the old obsession about time management.The time management complication is an old story that builds itself up and explodes with me. First, it starts with little plans. OK, we get a sleltsy urge to read more Merchant Ivory/Vintage Intl/ Brit canon...then it's like - well, we should spend some time reading Pali canon too, and if we're going to do that, we need to keep up on our Abhidhamma, and oh! didn't we have a resolution to memorize the Dhammapada in Pali - and oh! Tolkien, and world history! and economic philosophers and Asian American lesbian poets! Or we'll feel like we're not really doing autumn properly, and first it's just yoga and running, and then it turns into hiking, and ice skating, and doing community service, research on Ma' 's medical, and Burma travel, etc. Spinning our wheels. That's why I had to make the Day one resolution to live vertically. Getting deep, and staying on a straight line. I figure if we cut our options, and teach ourselves to not regret those options, or what we'd have become if we followed them, we'll become something we wanted anyway.
What we really learned was that we just need a long break in the middle of Saturdays, to keep them from turning into those drudge-a-thons we used to have. MFNS lets us see our thoughts as poppers, not really legitimate things that are necessarily telling us anything.
posted by 26 at 4:08 PM
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